Thursday, March 16, 2017

Life just isn't fair.

I rolled my eyes every time my dad would say that to me growing up.  I hated it.  I hated that he could use it for almost everything.  I remember just shaking my head over and over again saying, "I know Dad I know, life isn't fair."

And I get it.  We each have our own individual trials we have to go through to make us who we need to become.  I taught a whole lesson on Sunday about trials.  It makes so much sense.  And the worst part, the part that makes the most sense, is that for each of us the trials we go through are so hard just for us.  We can look at other people and see their trials as easy because maybe for us that trial would be easy.  (especially on instagram... it  always looks like everyones trials are so much easier)  But the trials we need to learn and grow, man alive, why do they have to be so hard sometimes?

It's probably good I taught that lesson on Sunday.  It put me in the right frame of mind, the right perspective.

So when I was laying half naked on a hospital bed in a sterile room and the old grouchy radiologist said, "Yep, both your fallopian tubes are completely blocked and I can't unblock them." I was okay.

Later when I called my Dr to find out the next step, I didn't cry when the nurse called back to say, "I just spoke with the Dr and he says your only option now is IVF."

But in the early morning as I stare at my computer screen I wonder, why?  Why can't it just be easy?

I know I know, life just isn't fair.

And of course it could be a lot worse.

And I am so lucky.  And I am so grateful.

But still.... I wouldn't be human if there wasn't a little spot deep in my heart that wished it could be easy.




On a happier note: I had to take the day off work to do the stupid test.  So I got to go on my favorite trail run up Provo Canyon before the test.  It was the most BEAUTIFUL March day in the history of Utah. (Literally record breaking)  And for that I can be so so so grateful!
I will always be a Utah Valley Girl...





2 comments:

Dave and Alisha said...

Hey Kristin- I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family, this really sucks, like REALLY! I'm thinking about you and don't know why for some us getting that family we want has to be so hard.

Caralee said...

Kristin!! I'm sorry you got that news right now. That is so, so hard and really devastating. IVF is not easy in many different ways. Infertility brings this constant ache into your life, even though you have your adorable, sweet, and perfect Bradley, that does help, but I know that ache will never go away and I'm so sorry. Let me know if you ever want to talk about IVF