Friday, October 7, 2016

The glamourous life of a working mom.

I think it's important to write about current struggles.  I know it might come across as whiny or ungrateful or just negative but I think it's valuable.  At least for me it is.  Because once a current struggle passes it is good to look back and reflect.  For me, it helps me see God's hand in my life.  See the blessings and see the trials.  Maybe that's justification for complaining.  But it helps me sleep at night.

I've mentioned once before the crazy feud between the working moms and the stay at home moms.  Although it's rarely openly addresses there is an underlying battle between the two of which lot is harder.  And once again even talking about it is scary because it is so so touchy.

But I want to talk about it because hopefully someday I will be done being a working mom.  And when that day comes I know there will be times that I miss working.  No matter how much I absolutely despise "Education" or what we've turned education into, the bottom line is most of the time I really do absolutely love my job.  I love my people.  I love the difference I can make.  I love watching kids finally get it.  But I do hate hate hate hate hate hate "Education".   (Just in case I wasn't clear...)

I am starting to experience a new thing as a working mom that is the absolute pits.  And no matter what anyone says to try and comfort me, this awful feeling won't go away.  And so I want to talk about it just in case one day when I am no longer a working mom I can remember.  I can remember why more than anything I wish I could stop working.  My baby doesn't know me and recognize me as his Mom.  You see, I spend less than half of my baby's waking day with him.  I am not there when he wakes up.  I don't get him dressed.  I don't feed him breakfast.  I don't take him to his sitter.  I don't even put him to bed most nights.

I have only a few precious hours from 4-8 every week night.  That is it.

In the beginning it didn't really bother me.  It was nice having a break.  It was nice being my old self again.  Going back to my daily routine.  But recently I've started to notice things. And it is starting to make me question everything. Things like Brad is starting to go to sleep better for Jason than me.  When did that start to happen?

But the thing that takes the cake happened yesterday when I went to pick Brad up from the sitters.  When the sitter handed me Brad, he reached back for her.


It eats me alive to even say it.

And that my friends, is why at the end of the day, no matter how anyone tries to portray it, the glamorous life of a working mom is the absolute pits.

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