Saturday, May 7, 2016

Ripped Off - Another Post about Mother's Day

I've thought a lot about a post I wrote last year around this time titled "The Other Side of Mother's Day."  about the ache of being someone who wants to be a mom so badly but wasn't.  The ironic part of that post -  I actually was pregnant when I wrote it I just didn't know it yet.

As I reread through that post I am really proud of it.  I feel like I really articulated the pain that many women have felt about being without child.   Oh how different a year of life can be.  I've already talked about how much I have learned in my short time as a mother... but there is something more that I feel the need to say.   Something that I really felt but never figured out how to articulate.

In any talk about mothers and women in general, there is always the token comment to those women who have never had the chance to have kids.  When talking about the Godly attribute given to women to nurture you can always count on a comment to the childless.  "Nurturing can happen as an aunt, a neighbor, or a friend."

This has always rubbed me the wrong way.  Now clearly it is just my interpretation of it.  And I am probably the one that has the problem.  But in case anyone else out there has ever felt it, I feel the need to say it out loud.  Something that I understand even better now than I did a year ago.

To any woman who hasn't had the opportunity to be a mother, you got completely ripped off.

For some reason when it comes to childless women instead of giving our sympathy, our kindness, and our service we down play the trial of not having your own baby.  We act like "being a good aunt or neighbor" is the same thing.  But now more than ever I know what I always felt, it's clearly not true.  Being a mother is like no experience I have ever felt.  The absolute joy it brings me every stinkin' time I look down at my baby.  Even now at 3:00 in the morning as I listen to my baby sleep on my chest I feel something so wonderful that words can't describe.  The way it warms my soul when he looks up at me.  The way his smile rocks my world every. single. time.  And the bond it has created with Jason.  Of any experience I've had on this earth life, nothing even comes close.  Nothing.

Now maybe it would make women more sad for someone to state out loud that they got ripped off.  But I don't think so.  I think it's what they already know.  It's something they already feel.  So hopefully it can bring comfort that at least someone will acknowledge that it sucks to be them.  That in the history of straws, they got a short one.  That really, being a parent is one of the most important parts of this earthly plan.

But for some reason we don't say that to childless women. Instead we complain to childless women suggesting that they have an easier path without dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and endless worrying. We call them lucky because they have freedom to do whatever they want. But maybe we should be straight up with them.  They got ripped off.

Now of course we can't stop the conversation there. They did get ripped off but that doesn't mean that God doesn't love them or that He somehow forgot about them.  This doesn't mean their life has no meaning.  This doesn't mean their lives can't be filled to the brim with love.  They can find ways to give and serve that can bring happiness beyond measure.  Their lives can be great.

But just because their lives can be great and filled with love, that doesn't mean they didn't get ripped off.  Because they did.  And we should love and care  and look out for these sisters more because of it.  

I am so grateful for this Mother's Day and the blessing of my baby that God chose to give me.  But I am also so grateful for the knowledge of the plan of happiness.  That there is a loving God that is looking after each of us, no matter our lot in life.  A year ago I wondered what in the world anyone could have said to me to make me feel better.  A year later with my new perspective, if I had the opportunity to speak on this sensitive special day, I'd speak about love.  The love of a family, the love of a mother, but most importantly, the love of a Father who cares more about us than we can understand.  I am so grateful for that knowledge.  So grateful for the plan.  No matter our lot in life, there is a reason and a purpose and the joy that knowledge can bring.

1 comment:

goddessdivine said...

Man. Now I REALLY feel ripped off. Lol. But amen to the empty comment I always get: "Oh but being an aunt is the same as being a mother." No it's not!

Happy for you though. :-)