I knew all this.
What I didn't know? What I've learned with such intensity I cry just thinking about it? How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who hears and answers prayers. In the past 15 days I have spent more time on my knees praying and asking for blessings than I ever have before. As soon as I got the call from the nurse that my liver was malfunctioning and possibly killing my baby so I needed to be induced immediately, I turned to the only place I knew I could receive comfort - a priesthood blessing. And again last night when Bradley's fever was hovering around the temperature you take all new borns to the emergency room, all I wanted for him was a priesthood blessing.
I knew this little newborn would change my life forever. I did. What I didn't know and what I am learning very quickly is how vulnerable this baby makes me. I never knew it was possible to love something so much. This vulnerability has humbled me and brought me closer to God than I ever expected. No one prepared me for this. That every day and night for the rest of our lives Jason and I will be praying more fervently. Not for ourselves and our personal desires, but for his'. I knew I loved Jason before this experience, I knew he was a wonderful man. But every time I watch him pick up his little boy and watch him look at our baby I feel more love for Jason.
In just two weeks of being a mom I feel like I understand God's plan even more clearly. I understand the need for families. I understand the need for feeling this kind of vulnerability. I understand the comfort of eternal families in a new way. In two short weeks I am more grateful for God's master plan and feel incredibly blessed for the piece of heaven He chose to send to me.