Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Grateful for my FP.

Yes, FP as in "Fat Potential".

When a group of guys sit around and discuss prospective girls to date on the same list of poor qualities like low IQ, bad temper or even high maintenance is the possibility of FP. No one wants to date a girl with FP.  And more importantly, the struggle of my entire life, no girl wants to be FP.  Every time I hear that phrase I hang my head low.

I could start this story with the same dialog that we've heard a million times before about what it's like to be the fat girl.  The shame, the embarrassment, but the worst part in my opinion, the fact that it is a constant in your life.  You can never get rid of it.  Unlike other problems that hopefully we can grow out of or avoid... food is always there and it is an important part of life.

I have looked at those naturally skinny people with such envy.  You know what I am talking about.  The girls that can eat a burger and fries and never even think about it.  The people who just naturally fit into whatever clothes are in style.  The ones that joke about how they would die trying to run a mile.  So many times I have cried out that I've been robbed!   I have a gene pool full of skinny people, but somehow I got the one FP gene???!!???

I could tell the tale of any typical girl with FP of counting calories, starving myself, making myself throw up, spending thousands of dollars trying to get that ideal body.  But luckily for me, that tale doesn't end tragically because I discovered a cure.

Saturday I laced up my running shoes like I have 6 days a week for the past 10 years of my life.  I put in my head phones and hit the pavement just like every other morning.  I went to bed early just like every other night because waking up every morning at 5 am requires it.  But this Saturday was different.

I did the most glorious 12 mile loop around St. George on Easter Weekend.  I started by running down along the Virgin River.  I watched a cute old grandma feeding birds in the river bottoms with her bird watching book in hand, I had a family of quail tag along me, and I saw a hot air balloon flying over Zion National Park.  I crossed over the Virgin River on a footbridge and  saw my favorite view, the St. George Temple framed around the Red Rock of the Dixie Sign with Pine Valley Mountain in the distance.

It was a beautiful sunny day, cool temperatures with a slight breeze.  I continued to run up Main Street until I saw the temple up close as I ran towards the Tabernacle.  I ran through the booths of the St. George Art Festival with beautiful art from around the world.  I smelt sweet spicy nuts roasting and snow cones being made.  I listened as kids squealed with delight as they ran through the splash pad.  And then I made the rest of the trek passed Dixie State University as I ran through the sprinklers to make it back home.  I rocked that run.

It was then that it hit me.

You see, all this took place on a Saturday morning before 9 am.  Most people were still laying in bed, still thinking about what the day will hold.

Runs like this bring me so much satisfaction and joy.  And if it weren't for my FP, never in a million years would I have experienced it.  Because working this hard, pushing through the pain of physical exercise, it's tough.  Fun is the last adjective I would ever use to describe the majority of my workouts.  But I do it anyway.

I look back at the last 10 years of my life.  10 years of going to bed early, waking early to teach or attend a workout class or workout on my own.  I see the friendships I have built, the beauty I have experienced, and the great excitement that comes from a group of people accomplishing a difficult thing together and I am unbelievably grateful.

None of this would have ever happened if I wasn't blessed with FP.

I'm sure there are people out there that are far more motivated than me, people that push themselves because they enjoy pain or like accomplishing goals.  But not me.  I know if I didn't have to, it would be difficult to push myself physically like I have.  It is so painful to build up endurance or strength.  So many workouts I just want to quit half way through.  But because of my FP I don't.

And because of that, I have got to do and experience so much in life that I never would have other wise.  The sunrises and sunsets, the animals, the flowers, all that nature has to offer. Because I have made working out a top priority in my life, things that would seem difficult or impossible for some have been easy.  Climbing a mountain peak, biking a hundred miles, or even signing up for a half marathon a day before a race can happen whenever I want to. And it's all because of my FP.

I have spent my whole life wishing away FP, dreaming about what life would be like without it, imagining what it would like to eat whatever I want or sleep in every morning.   Until now.  I'm done hating myself for it. I'm done hanging my head low with the mention of FP. Instead I am going to relish in the joy and happiness it has created.  I am going to focus on the friendships I've developed, the beauty I've been able to see, and the sense of accomplishment I've been able to have almost every single day because I push through it.

Fat Potential - for so long I have viewed you as the ultimate curse.  I have hated you from the minute I met you.  I have worried about you, cried about you, and blamed you for so much.  But today and hopefully forever I will be so grateful for how you have pushed me to develop and grow in a way that without you wasn't possible.  So thank you.

And in a million years, who would have ever guessed a girl in her right mind would ever possibly think to be grateful for that.  :)


theriddle said...

Okay I know tons of people commented on facebook on this post, but I just treread the whole post and I am so inspired that I have to post another comment here. I've known you for the last ten years and you are very inspiring. I hope to be more like you, and I hope my daughters are more like you too! Xoxo Joanie

Jani said...

Thank you, Kristen. You work so hard. I've just started running again 5 weeks ago after a five year break from running, and your post is very inspiring!