Friday, October 31, 2014

A Happy Halloween.

The other day I needed a good kick in the pants of happiness.... so I started playing dress up for my two Halloween activities that required costumes.

Here was the results.
 (A wig makes everything better.......) and so does shameless selfies that I kept sending to Jason while he was trying to study for a molecular biology test at the library.....

I show you because other wise, you might have a difficult time recognizing me as a witch...... even my friends didn't recognize me when I pulled up!

We saw the COOLEST witches.....

Then today at school, I went for my most classic costume.

It's crazy... you put on one ridiculous outfit and all your problems seem to melt away.  I love Halloween!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Haunted Half Marathon

So I don't run races.... and today I was reminded why.  They hurt!!!!!!

So I've been flirting with the idea of running a race for some time now.  Jason has really encouraged it.  So I have been doing some longer runs just to see how I would hold up if I did run a race.  On Thursday Morning my friend/pump teacher Heather said to the whole class, "Kristin I had a dream last night that you ran the race with me!  You need to do it."  And with that, I signed up for the race Thursday night for Saturday morning.

I didn't really have a costume.... maybe next time?

I had no idea how much waiting there was when it comes to racing but luckily for me, I ran into my dear friend Liz and we chatted the whole time.

The race.

Mile 1-4 (7:10 per mile) was down South Fork Canyon.  I love it.  It's mostly down hill and just dreamy.
Mile 4:    28:40

Mile 5-8 (7: 17 per mile) down the Provo River Trail.  I had a major panic when I realized the pain killer I was planning to take at mile 4 to numb my torn calf muscle.... fell out.  (Never before had that happened in all my years of running)  I was super bummed.  Many times I kept thinking, why in the heck am I doing this!  It really started to hurt at this point.  Why oh why was I doing this????  I just kept repeating, "I can do hard things"
Mile 8:    58:00

Mile 9-11 (7:30 per mile)  I was thinking.... man I hate this.  But I think I can finish it.  And I think I can finish pretty strong....
Mile 11:   1:20:33

Mile 12: the most nasty hill ever.  Like I had to stop and walk nasty.  Like I got to the top and tried to start running again and couldn't.  Like had to walk.  Walk.

Last 2.28 miles.  (yes the course was .18 too long.) was 8:15 per mile.

Final Time: 1:40:09.

Not bad for my first race.  But man oh man it hurt.  I have a new found respect for fast runners.  And honestly.... I don't know if I'll ever try and race again.

Good news?  I got 9th in my age group and 28th out of the female racers (Of 1,050 female runners)

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Wife of a BASE jumper.

Life is like that.  You want things to be cut and dry, black and white, clear decisions.  But like so many other things in life, BASE jumping is full of grey.

Every time I hear of another BASE jumpers death I am filled with so many emotions.  Some are socially acceptable to admit while others probably aren't.

Of course my first reaction will always be that of tradegity.  And this most recent story is clearly no exception.  So so sad.  28 years old.  Beautiful girl.  Married two weeks ago.  Her husband watched her fall to her death.  Nothing he could do.  So so so so so ridiculously sad.

Now my next reaction, I probably shouldn't admit.  Why are all these BASE jumpers sad?  They all know exactly what they are getting into.  She knew exactly what she was getting into.  It's like being a smoker all your life and then being sad when you get lung cancer.  (PLEASE don't stop reading here.  I promise I'm not a jerk). I mean I feel like her family can be sad, her non BASE jumping friends can be sad.  But her friends that willingly risk their life for a thrill any chance they get, my second gut reaction is, "How dare you be sad." When you are willing to risk the emotions of your family and friends every time you jump.... How dare you be sad.

But that is the thing. I don't get it. I don't understand how the high of free falling can take over someone's life. I don't understand the drive that pushes jumpers to new extremes. So I understand that the general public doesn't either.  BASE jumpers actually try and do whatever is possible to not get on the news.  There is an unspoken rule among jumpers to do what's necessary if something happens to not let word get out.  I've even heard of jumpers collecting the remains of their friend's body after he died and driving it to the sheriffs station to be pronounced dead rather than calling law enforcement so it wouldn't be on the news.  Why?  Because the bottom line is the general public doesn't get it.  I know I don't get it.  I know I'll never get it. 

But there is something that I am starting to understand.  I married a BASE jumper.  Now before you start throwing out judgments about my decision making ability.... let me explain.  I agreed to marry my now husband the day he told me he'd sell his BASE jumping equipment to buy a wedding ring.  He told me he wanted to be with me and have a family with me.  I squealed for joy and thought this was the end of it.

But the title of this post is not "Wife of a former BASE jumper" for a reason.

My hope as an outsider of the BASE jumping community I guess is I want to try to explain to the general public what I am learning about BASE jumpers.

I thought that BASE jumping  was something that my husband would look back on like my dad does about his year as a bull riding cowboy.  It was fun, it was exciting, but man was it nuts.  Probably once a year my dad watches the NFR on tv and hoops and hollers at the cowboys risking everything hoping for a bigger belt buckle. But other than that it is a distant memory that no longer has any influence on him.

But BASE jumpers, like my husband, are different.  It's what they live for.  I think this is what is so difficult for us to understand. When we think of things to live for we think of families, careers, a life of service... But for BASE jumpers, they view living a life to its fullest completely different.  Sure my husband doesn't jump anymore, but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't catch him watching a video, reading a forum on a new shoot or searching for new cliffs to jump off as we drive.  And all too often it makes me feel so guilty.  Did marrying me take away what my husband loves most?  Will he ever feel like he's truly living again? But my husband will say, "You have given me another reason to live." Unlike other BASE jumpers I've heard of who never plan on marrying or marry other jumpers who understand the life style, my husband did want something more. But I see how this type of person is very different from the norm.

It's something that most of us just can't understand. This concept of a life constantly on the edge, constantly taking risk, constantly gambling life....

So why do I write this post?  Someone who has viewed these people that I will never understand from a distance.....Because I read ridiculous comments whenever a jumper dies that say, "This should be outlawed!  Make this illegal!  Don't let people risk their lives!  Send them to prison for the rest of their life so no one else dies from this!"

And my response to these commenters is, jumping is the only way these people can feel like they are living life to its fullest.  Sure those of us on the outside will think this is stupid, this is dumb, why are they doing this?  But the bottom line is, we can't understand.

And the thing is.  That is okay.  We don't have to understand.

But please don't take away their reason to live.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A Wedding Recap

My favorite Uncle Nils is currently editing our wedding video.  I cannot tell you how excited I am about it.  If you've never seen a Nils Lindstrom production film I'm sure you don't exactly understand why such a video would make me so excited that sometimes I can't sleep...But for those that have, you understand.

I've been thinking a lot about our wedding day... how for me it was absolutely perfect.  I decided to dedicate an entire post to every detail of the event and all the many many people who gave so much to make that day the best day of my life.

Engagement Pictures:
We actually did 2 different engagement picture shoots with 2 different photographers.  I loved the pictures from the first shoot but I want something a little less dramatic.... we went with the picture on the far left.
Gemmell Photography                                                 Romantic Wedding Videos

Nils Lindstrom Design created our logo and as soon as I saw it I knew I wanted it to be the focus of the invitation.  Who gets to have a professional typographer create a logo for their wedding????  So here is what it looked like.  And linked is his description of how he created it. Wedding Script

Romantic Wedding Videos.
This same day edit video is hands down one of my most prized possessions.  Lars has such a gift for both capturing an event but also putting the people in front of the camera at ease.

Renee from Renee Clancy Photography was a dream photographer.

I really didn't want to buy a dress.... but then I tried on this dress at Sweetheart Bridal and I had to have it.  My goal was to find a simple, elegant dress... and this was it.

Hair and Makeup:
Franci South - from as long as I can remember Franci has been doing my hair and make up.... I figured why would my wedding day be any different???

Pencil Skirts were made out of raw silk sewn by my aunts and cousins.
Gold necklaces with French charms made by Amelia Schow

San Diego Temple- Jason had one and only one request about our wedding.  This temple was it.  And really, how could I complain?

Venue - George and Leigh Braithwaite's French Chateau.
 I tried to keep a little of the French theme throughout the rest of the wedding.


Table numbers were custom created by Nils Lindstrom Design.  French Impressionistic Painting Postcards at each place setting with a personal message written by me or Jason to each of our guests. French pastries from LeChef Bakery.

Lighting was really important to me.  I really really wanted ping pong lights... I think they are magical.  Lights, Tables, Chairs came from Persiano Events.

Jennifer Boyer did a fantastic job putting this super fun booth together with amazing props!
 Photobooth Photographer - Zoe Mann

Hors d'oeuvres - put together by Franci South.  Cheese purchased at Igourmet, fruit, crackers, and baguettes were bought locally.

La Finestra Catering - Chicken Marsala with Strawberry Spinach Salad, Italian Veggies, Rolls and Rosemary Potatoes.

Cake by Emily Stringfellow


The MC and DJ was Mossi.  To say he's amazing is an understatement.

Singer was Joan Steinman.  She sang "La Vie en Rose".... it was magical.

Original Song written by Nils Lindstrom and Daniel Mower sang by Mossi Watene, Brita Prusse, Nils Lindstrom, and Loraine Lindstrom.  Song went to the music of "For the Longest Time"

First Dance was to Louis Armstrong's version of "When You Wish Upon a Star"

Sparklers from Wedding Day Sparklers.

And it was....a dream come true.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Blue Apron

About a month ago Hungry Runner Girl did a paid post on this product/company Blue Apron.  And since I buy pretty much anything she tells me to.... ok, not EVERYTHING.... just these headphones and these compression socks.  I clearly had to try this out.  

So here is what it is.  Every week (or whenever you tell it to) this company sends you every single ingredient for a meal with step by step easy directions to follow.  

Here is my review on the product: it was absolutely amazing!  As someone who feels guilty about throwing away food that goes bad it was unreal awesome to have exact amounts of every ingredient.  Also, all of us feeding 2 people know, buying all the ingredients for one extravagant meal is more expensive than going out for the exact meal.  We tried spices, veggies, and fish we never had before.  It also gave me confidence to use the same cooking techniques again without using Blue Apron.  

My negatives:
1. It is extremely expensive.  Like possibly as expensive or more expensive than the same meal at a restaurant.  Our first three meals were $39.  Not bad (because HRG gave a $20 discount for her readers) If it was always $39 for two people for three meals I would consider using it more.  But without the discount 3 meals for 2 people is $59.  (I found this out because I forgot to cancel our membership and we got a second shipment of food....)

2. Because some of the foods are very different than your typical Mountain West palate of meat and potatoes.... we often found the food too spicy, too hot, or not always the best flavor.  In other words maybe a little bit too adventurous for every day eating.  After the first few I stopped using the amount of spices they suggested in the recipe.  

3. Although it is pricey it still requires work.  Although they give fantastic step by step instructions it still requires a bit of cooking experience.  I hated putting that much effort into a meal and only having exactly 2 portions... rarely was there any leftovers to take to school for lunch the next day.  

So who do I think would be the perfect customer for Blue Apron?
At first I said to Jason, "If I was a corporate lawyer and you were a surgeon in NYC and we had three kids  I would love this because every once in a while I could actually make a great "homecooked" meal for my family."  But now that I am thinking about it, kids would HATE these meals.

So who would love this?  
People- with no kids or the most adventurous kids ever *never met one of those- who have plenty of money but are in a cooking rut.  Maybe like my parents age?  My mom suggested it for my 90 year old grandparents.... I think my grandpa would have a difficult time with things like purple potatoes.

So I think it would be a super fun gift for newly weds or for retired foodies.

Ok I've used too many words.  I'll just show you the meals we received.  First I'll show their picture, then my picture.

Seared Cod Piperade

with Roasted Blue Potatoes and Parsley-Almond Sauce

This was our first.... it was really tasty!  

Lamb and Beef Sliders

with Harissa-Labneh Sauce and Cucumber Salad

This one was probably our least favorite.  The sauce was gross and the cucumber salad wasn't very good either.

Chicken Hiyashi Chuka

with Fresh Ramen Noodles and Summer Vegetables

This was ramen noodles with veggies on top.  ok, but not that great.

Southern-Style Burgers

with Green Tomato Chow Chow and Roasted Old Bay Potatoes

I shockingly love this!  The green tomato chow chow with green collards was fantastic!  The oven fries were meh. 
(But for $20 we could have had some pretty fantastic gourmet burgers and a clean kitchen....)

Chicken Katsu

with Miso-Roasted Japanese Eggplant and Savoy Cabbage

This one was hands down my favorite!!! I loved the roasted egg plant and cabbage so much that the next night I went and bought the ingredients to make it again.

Pan-Roasted Hake and Romesco Sauce

with Leeks, Scallions and Fingerling Potatoes

This was Jason's favorite meal.  Which kinda surprised me.  The Romesco sauce was made of roasted peppers, tomatoes, garlic, and onion.

So there you have it, my thoughts on Blue Apron.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A Tender Mercy

 As I've discussed way too many times.... Teaching is a job of little fame. It was actually really hilarious. The other day I was in a friend's math classroom when an old student from like 10 years ago came back to visit her. I never had this student but I couldn't help but laugh at the conversation. She said,"Before my mission I was planning on being an engineer. Everyone was so encouraging and positive about my chosen path. Then I was on a mission and realize how much joy comes from teaching. So I am changing my major to math education. I'm loving it except maybe I'm prideful but I hate the reactions people give when I tell them I'm going to be a teacher.  They say things like, 'Oh don't just be a teacher.' or 'you must be crazy.' When did you get over the negative comments people make degrading teaching?"

Now I feel like if there's a profession that constantly has to defend its value to society maybe it really isn't that valuable... So maybe teaching isn't that hard. Maybe it isn't that important... 

But really the problem is. No one ever really sees it. Now I'm not talking about hours of grading papers or prepping for lessons.  Sure there is that too. But I'm talking about the straight up, down and dirty trenches of the classroom.   I probably shouldn't admit this, but I bet of the 58,275 hours I have spent in a classroom teaching kids... Maybe 5 hours total has an administrator or another teacher watched. 

It's probably one of the most difficult parts of being in the trenches. You are all alone. You have no idea how your classroom compares to another classroom you have no idea if you are as successful as you should be. You are totally clueless with your nose stuck to the grind stone. 

Until my tender mercy walked through my door. You see sometimes we have aides that come into our classes to help particular students with disabilities. But typically these aides aren't in the field of education. They are just passing time until they can find another job. That was until Brittney. I'll never forget when she first came into my room. Straight off her Argentinian mission, she was bright eyed and ready to help kids. When I asked her what her plans were she said,"I don't know. Probably education?"  I (in a bad day of the trenches) threw out a cynical laugh and said, "Not if I can talk you out of it first."  

For the next 6 months Brittney came into my class every day so eager to help kids and learn. It was quite intimidating at first to have another grown adult watching my every move. Remember, I'd gone 8.5 years of battling the trenches alone. To all of the sudden have someone else there was nerve wracking.  Afraid she was judging my every move, silently critiquing my approach in the trenches. But quickly I realized that Brittney and I were on the same team and fighting the same battle. And man alive, we rocked it. We got kids to learn and grow in ways they never had in their 9 previous years of education. 

But I'm getting side tracked. Brittney was a blessing to my classroom because she is a rock star at her job and we made great team. But that isn't why she was a tender mercy. She was/is so precious to me because for the first time ever.  10 years we are talking about here people.  For the first time someone truly understood what I am doing in my classroom.  Sure students know.  Sure they try and explain what happens in my class to others.... but it's not the same.  Their perspective is so limited.... (they are still in the stage of life where they are shocked to hear that a teacher has a life outside school...)  But for the first time I have a grown adult that truly understand.  Someone who sees my battles, sees how hard I fight to win each one, and the best part.... gives me a pat on the back every once awhile when I need it.  When she compliments me it's not shallow, it's not based off hear say.  It's based off her own experience watching me in the trenches that are all too often so lonely.

Words cannot express how grateful I am for this little HUGE tender mercy in my life.

P.S.  yes, my hair is almost ALWAYS in some type of pony/bun at school.  I workout every morning.  I don't have the time or patience to do my hair.    A student said to me yesterday, "Mrs. B, maybe you should wear your hair down more.  You would be so pretty!"..... kids say the darnedest things. :)

Monday, October 6, 2014

Another reason to stick with the Old Ship Zion

The other day I did a heart to heart on why 9th grade matters.  I talked about how right now we make the decisions that'll affect the rest of our lives.  I asked the kids to close their eyes and picture where they'll be in 10 years.  I asked them to picture things like what they want to look like, what they want to be doing, ya know, basic questions.  Then I have them open their eyes and talk about how different each one envisioned their future.  I said, "Sure everyone envisions it different but there are a few things I can guarantee.  I guarantee not a single one of you dreamed of being completely strung out on drugs in 10 years or in federal prison, or dropped out of school  working some minimum wage job trying to make ends me.  Oh I am sure not a single one of you thought, 'Oh boy, I hope in 10 years I have an STD." (lots of nervous laughs)

No one thinks that but in 9th grade I watch kid after kid start making choices that'll lead them down that path.

Anyway, the heart to heart goes on and on but that's not the point of this post.  Here is what absolutely blew my mind.  The next day as a follow up I had a quiz asking them to write down in as much detail as possible what they want their future life to look like.  It was so sweet to read each of these kids' dreams.  It was good for me to start seeing my 282 punk 14 year olds as people, kids with dreams and hopes.  Anyway, here is the point of this.  One or two in all of the regular classes had the most shocking answers to the question.  It wasn't that they were dreaming so big, so large, so unrealistically that I just laughed.  Sure I had a few of those.  But that wasn't what shocked me.  What was insanely shocking and even more depressing was there were kids that said, "I don't know.  I don't care.  I don't have any idea."

Now clearly I could say they just didn't trust me enough to tell me their dreams.  But sadly I've taught too many kids just like these to know.... they don't have dreams.  They have no idea where they want to head, know idea what they want.  And sadly without even looking at these kids' transcripts I already know what kind of grades they have.  I know exactly where they are headed.  I've never found this connection so clearly.... if kids don't have goals or dreams or an idea of where they want to head, they don't make good decisions.

Once again, like so often, I see the genius of the Gospel.  Our Gospel is all about the future.  Where we'll be, what we'll be doing, what we want to be doing.  I see a value in missions and temple marriages in a completely different light for the youth of the church.  Even if a kid doesn't know what he wants to do for a living or what college he wants to attend at 14 the church gives him the direction of missions and temple marriage that guides decisions.

I've listened to a couple of podcasts that've rocked my world.  1 looked at the world's countries that make better decisions about the future compared to America.  They looked at savings and retirement, smoking, and unprotected sex.  They found countries that had a weird thing with language made very decisions about the future than English and Romance language speakers.  Many Asian and Scandinavian countries make way better decisions for the future.  They discovered what these languages had in common is they have no separation in their language between present and future tenses.  To those languages it is the same thing.  Clearly that is not the case for English and Romance languages.  We are taught through our languages that present and future are different in turn we make decisions as such.  We make decisions that benefit us now rather than in the future.

Another podcast was looking at why we make decisions that we regret in the future (ie tatoos)  Their conclusion was that we have a very difficult time imagining the future so we only make decisions based on the present.

Both these podcasts made me so grateful for the church and the wisdom of my parents.  I was raised with a clear vision of what my future should look like.  This little activity with my students once again reminded me of the value and wisdom of the church and man oh man I feel lucky to be a part of it.

Saturday, October 4, 2014


This is one of those obnoxious posts where a girl swoons over a guy.  Because you see, I have a lot to complain about in life right now.... believe me... I realize how much I've been complaining.  I'm working on it.

This morning.... I've been laying in bed for a ridiculously long time which is very very abnormal.  Normally I'm out of bed and at the gym by 7....on Saturdays.  But Jason is on a stupid field trip.  3. whole. days. staring. at. plants.  Yes. Plants. Ugh.  Anyway, I figured I am in no rush to work out this morning so I've been laying in bed just thinking.

Luck certainly hasn't gone my way sometimes.  But probably where it matters most, I got so incredibly lucky I can't believe it.

So if for no other reason than for the day that I am sure is ahead when I don't think I am so lucky, I better write down my feelings to give me a kick in the pants that day.

p.s. if he saw this post, he would hate me.  hate me.  he hates attention.  hates attention.  so let's just keep this post between us... deal? :)

I started listing out all the reasons why I feel so incredibly lucky to be with him.  All the things that are so amazing and wonderful.  But deleted it.  Instead, what I am most grateful for.

1. His strong testimony of the Gospel.  I never have to question if he wants to be obedient.  Recently with some of the crap, he suggested we start reading the scriptures together again.  You see, it's hard for us.  We live two different schedules.  I get up at 5 and go to bed at 8ish?  He gets up.... I have no idea when he gets up but doesn't go to bed until I have no idea....  So we've always prayed before I go to bed... but scriptures at night for me is pure misery and clearly although he said he would, scriptures at 5 am would be awful for him.  So we decided to start reading at dinner time.  It is so wonderful.  Something so simple has added joy.

2. He works hard.  Life has not been easy for him since we got married.  It's been a huge uphill battle trying to recover from his academic records of the past... Man he's worked so hard.

3. He is cool headed with the warmest heart.  Cheesy to the max, I know.  I live life in a roller coaster of emotion, highs and lows.... rarely am I just chillin'.  I am so grateful for the balance he brings me.  And although I hate it sometimes, I am so grateful that he puts me in my place when I need it.  (I probably need it more.... baby steps)

4. He is just so dang cool.  I mean sure I am probably biased, but the more anyone knows Jason, the more they love him.  Recently one of my favorite people in my life was asked, "Jason is your favorite isn't he?"  She just laughed.  Because... well the answer is obvious.

5. He wants me to be happy.  I think this is one of the most difficult things to figure out in the beginning of marriage.  We know what we want for happiness but suddenly we are now cemented to someone who views life differently and wants and needs love differently.  I am sure it takes a life time to really figure out how to really be what your partner wants and needs.... but I am so grateful that Jason tries so hard to be the partner that I need.  I smile just thinking about it.  Thinking about the hours of road trips that he just sits and talks to me for hours..... no matter how painful.  The way he's learned to open up and share himself despite how much it goes against his nature.   He will sacrifice his wants to make me happy.

It's crazy.  I spent so many years in such desperation because I didn't have him.  I have no idea how it worked before this life, I have no idea if Jason and I really knew each other before.  You know like on Saturdays Warrior?  Don't they sing a cheesy song about finding each other?  I have no idea.  But I do know that so badly I just wanted someone to share my life with, someone to celebrate with, someone to go through tough stuff with, I knew there was something missing.  I am so incredible grateful that I no longer have to feel that.  I have found my soul mate.

So.... there you have it.  One pathetic gushing girl swooning over a guy.

Did I mention, he sure does clean up nice.  It's rare to capture his real smile.... but when it happens.  Man that guy makes me heart melt.

And when you thought it possibly couldn't get any more obnoxious, I might as well make and throw in a collage of all my favorite pictures of us together.

Ok. I'm done.  I promise.

Friday, October 3, 2014

I'm Getting Older Too.

On my drive home from school today I was just feeling sad.  Not feeling sorry for myself as much as just feeling sad.  Probably feeling really sad because one of my favorite songs came on the radio, Landslide.  I really don't even know what the song is about, but the tears probably started flowing at the line, "I'm getting older too."  It's just sad.

 I started thinking about how we pass judgement on others' trials.  You know.  "Wow, that really isn't that big of deal.  Buck up solider"  or "Yeah, that really is super crappy."  Any story we hear, any person that we meet, we judge.

At this exact moment in my thoughts I pulled up to the pharmacy to fill one of the million - it seems- prescriptions I am currently taking.  As I was being sad that I even had to think about, make huge effort,  and take this stupid prescription I looked up.

There she was.

A girl I had seen many many times.  Every time I saw her I was bugged.  A clean cut girl, standing on a corner, holding a sign.  We typically passed her going at least 45 mph so never before had I taken the time to read her sign.  Previously when we'd pass her I'd think and say all sorts of negative things.... So this was the first time I actually read the sign.  And even worse for the first time, I read her.  Her sign said how she was a widow with kids, had a job but still didn't have enough money to make rent.  And her.  Every time someone passed, every time someone made eye contact with her, I watched her turn red and drop her eyes to the ground.  She was so ashamed.  She was so embarrassed.  As I watched her my heart just ached.  I couldn't believe how many people pulled up, waved, and kept driving.  I thought of how many times I had done it too.

Tears rolled down my face again.  But this time I wasn't sad just for me.  I was sad for everyone, everyone that has to go through hard things, everyone that needs to grow.  So badly I just wanted to get out of my car and give that girl a hug.  I wanted her to know that maybe if just for that one moment I was so sorry she was going through such a hard thing.  I wanted her to know I was cheering for her.  I wanted her to just feel love.

Now who knows, maybe she doesn't need it, maybe she'll use it to buy drugs, maybe later tonight she'll laugh about the sucker girl at that pharmacy who handed her money, but really to me it doesn't matter.  At that moment I needed to give love so I could feel it.