Friday, October 3, 2014

I'm Getting Older Too.

On my drive home from school today I was just feeling sad.  Not feeling sorry for myself as much as just feeling sad.  Probably feeling really sad because one of my favorite songs came on the radio, Landslide.  I really don't even know what the song is about, but the tears probably started flowing at the line, "I'm getting older too."  It's just sad.

 I started thinking about how we pass judgement on others' trials.  You know.  "Wow, that really isn't that big of deal.  Buck up solider"  or "Yeah, that really is super crappy."  Any story we hear, any person that we meet, we judge.

At this exact moment in my thoughts I pulled up to the pharmacy to fill one of the million - it seems- prescriptions I am currently taking.  As I was being sad that I even had to think about, make huge effort,  and take this stupid prescription I looked up.

There she was.

A girl I had seen many many times.  Every time I saw her I was bugged.  A clean cut girl, standing on a corner, holding a sign.  We typically passed her going at least 45 mph so never before had I taken the time to read her sign.  Previously when we'd pass her I'd think and say all sorts of negative things.... So this was the first time I actually read the sign.  And even worse for the first time, I read her.  Her sign said how she was a widow with kids, had a job but still didn't have enough money to make rent.  And her.  Every time someone passed, every time someone made eye contact with her, I watched her turn red and drop her eyes to the ground.  She was so ashamed.  She was so embarrassed.  As I watched her my heart just ached.  I couldn't believe how many people pulled up, waved, and kept driving.  I thought of how many times I had done it too.

Tears rolled down my face again.  But this time I wasn't sad just for me.  I was sad for everyone, everyone that has to go through hard things, everyone that needs to grow.  So badly I just wanted to get out of my car and give that girl a hug.  I wanted her to know that maybe if just for that one moment I was so sorry she was going through such a hard thing.  I wanted her to know I was cheering for her.  I wanted her to just feel love.

Now who knows, maybe she doesn't need it, maybe she'll use it to buy drugs, maybe later tonight she'll laugh about the sucker girl at that pharmacy who handed her money, but really to me it doesn't matter.  At that moment I needed to give love so I could feel it.

1 comment:

Zoe said...

I totally know exactly who you're talking about here. I've given her money multiple times, because it breaks my heart seeing her on the corner.