This morning.... I've been laying in bed for a ridiculously long time which is very very abnormal. Normally I'm out of bed and at the gym by 7....on Saturdays. But Jason is on a stupid field trip. 3. whole. days. staring. at. plants. Yes. Plants. Ugh. Anyway, I figured I am in no rush to work out this morning so I've been laying in bed just thinking.
Luck certainly hasn't gone my way sometimes. But probably where it matters most, I got so incredibly lucky I can't believe it.
So if for no other reason than for the day that I am sure is ahead when I don't think I am so lucky, I better write down my feelings to give me a kick in the pants that day.
p.s. if he saw this post, he would hate me. hate me. he hates attention. hates attention. so let's just keep this post between us... deal? :)
I started listing out all the reasons why I feel so incredibly lucky to be with him. All the things that are so amazing and wonderful. But deleted it. Instead, what I am most grateful for.
1. His strong testimony of the Gospel. I never have to question if he wants to be obedient. Recently with some of the crap, he suggested we start reading the scriptures together again. You see, it's hard for us. We live two different schedules. I get up at 5 and go to bed at 8ish? He gets up.... I have no idea when he gets up but doesn't go to bed until I have no idea.... So we've always prayed before I go to bed... but scriptures at night for me is pure misery and clearly although he said he would, scriptures at 5 am would be awful for him. So we decided to start reading at dinner time. It is so wonderful. Something so simple has added joy.
2. He works hard. Life has not been easy for him since we got married. It's been a huge uphill battle trying to recover from his academic records of the past... Man he's worked so hard.
3. He is cool headed with the warmest heart. Cheesy to the max, I know. I live life in a roller coaster of emotion, highs and lows.... rarely am I just chillin'. I am so grateful for the balance he brings me. And although I hate it sometimes, I am so grateful that he puts me in my place when I need it. (I probably need it more.... baby steps)
4. He is just so dang cool. I mean sure I am probably biased, but the more anyone knows Jason, the more they love him. Recently one of my favorite people in my life was asked, "Jason is your favorite isn't he?" She just laughed. Because... well the answer is obvious.
5. He wants me to be happy. I think this is one of the most difficult things to figure out in the beginning of marriage. We know what we want for happiness but suddenly we are now cemented to someone who views life differently and wants and needs love differently. I am sure it takes a life time to really figure out how to really be what your partner wants and needs.... but I am so grateful that Jason tries so hard to be the partner that I need. I smile just thinking about it. Thinking about the hours of road trips that he just sits and talks to me for hours..... no matter how painful. The way he's learned to open up and share himself despite how much it goes against his nature. He will sacrifice his wants to make me happy.
It's crazy. I spent so many years in such desperation because I didn't have him. I have no idea how it worked before this life, I have no idea if Jason and I really knew each other before. You know like on Saturdays Warrior? Don't they sing a cheesy song about finding each other? I have no idea. But I do know that so badly I just wanted someone to share my life with, someone to celebrate with, someone to go through tough stuff with, I knew there was something missing. I am so incredible grateful that I no longer have to feel that. I have found my soul mate.
So.... there you have it. One pathetic gushing girl swooning over a guy.
Did I mention, he sure does clean up nice. It's rare to capture his real smile.... but when it happens. Man that guy makes me heart melt.
Ok. I'm done. I promise.