Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Soul Mates

I know when I realized.  It should have been sooner.  It should have been obvious.  But it wasn't until I discovered my personality, ENFP, that I understood why I am the way I am.  

I know I know, so many people think this generalized personality thing is hogwash.  I don't understand it but I do understand that people think that.  But I have yet to find anyone who still thinks it's hogwash after they start to cover themselves with a blanket or crawl into the fetal position as someone reads out loud their inner thoughts, their inner feelings, their reason to live in such plain English they didn't think it was possible.  When they feel completely vulnerable and exposed...They don't think it's hogwash after that.....

But anyway, back to me.  

Maybe it was Anne of Green Gables that did it to me.  Maybe it was that stupid sentimental movie that changed the course of my life and my personality forever.  I don't know.  But I guess I can't complain.

Because you see, my life revolves around one thing and one thing only.  My desire to be understood.  Out of this desire grows my love to understand others.  Not see them just for their strengths but to truly understand everything about them.  And, to me, at that point is where love comes.  

So as young as I can remember all I have wanted was one person, one Diana Berry, to share myself with.  Now I get it.  That sounds kinda creepy.  Share myself?  One kindred spirit.  One bosom buddy.  One person that understands my strengths and weaknesses so well but loves me despite both.

I've been lucky.  I've had many such soul mates in my life.  But sadly most have come and gone.  And if you are a long time reader you might remember my post about heaven years ago, it was in that post that I talked about how I can't wait to get to heaven, to a place where we can all be soul mates again.  

Because that's the crappy thing about soul mates.  There are a few rules associated.  And sadly the most important rule.  You have to live by each other.  I mean don't get me wrong, you can try to keep up communication with a soul mates from a distance.... but it's not the same.  It's not the same as when Anne waves the white flag and Diana sees it from her window and comes running.  Physical location matters.

I've been desperate need of a soul mate recently.  

And luckily for me, my dearest, truest soul mate of my life, she came running.

I've often tried to write about our relationship, Erica and I.  It's so difficult to do.  As so often I say, it is so difficult to try and put into words something so precious to me.  I'm actually probably more protective of our relationship and in turn of Erica than I am anyone else in my life.  

Because you see, I feel so lucky.  Unlike me, who loves opening up to the world, loves to try and have people understand ALL of me, Erica is the opposite.  She keeps to herself, minds her own business, and so most people even those around her don't really know her.  I don't know how I got so lucky but I feel it has been one of the most important blessings in my life, becoming one of the handful of people that Erica has let it. 

I hesitate to say much more about her because like I said she is private and I try and respect that. So it's hard to describe a relationship without the details of the other half. 

Her soul is deep, old, and most important for me.... Absolutely beautiful. I'm positive my firey desire to fight and crusade to for the world was lit by her. One of my favorite memories of her was in a cabin in Yellowstone almost 13 years ago. We watched the movie The Power of One. At 17, her passion and emotion memorized me and inspired me to feel that kind of passion. 

Anyone who's known me since those years know the rollercoaster of me trying to be her, dress like her, sing like her(she has the most beautiful voice), and even date like her. (Yes I dated 2 of her exs...) that's how much I admired her. But in the end clearly I realized I'm not her. My favorite moment was when my older brother watching me trying to be her said, "Kristin. You need to wear pink." 

But it's because of her that I think I really found myself. 

So yes, for my Spring Break I went to San Francisco... But really I went to be with my closest, dearest friend. 

It was hilarious. For the first 48 hours we were together it was one giant conversation where neither of us could remember the beginning or the end. How one topic emerged as another faded just seamlessly continued for 2 straight days. No walls, no judgement, so refreshing. 

It's interesting how life works. What makes each of us tick. Why letting someone in so close that they understand me is so important to me.... Where to someone else the idea of opening up that much is a nightmare. 

But that's why personality tests are so fun. They teach, they explain, they reveal what we live for. And I'm just so grateful for my friend who allows me in to her magical world and through her I feel more of who I am supposed to be. 

1 comment:

Tiara Folkes said...

I'm bored at work today so I'm reading your blog, besides the point. I know why I love you so because I am also an ENFP.