Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Something I've been struggling with.
Sometimes I just crave to be understood. I think everyone probably feels that way but I am learning through being married to someone completely opposite from me that not everyone feeds that desire by exposing themselves. Some day maybe I'll change but probably not.
I've talked before about being a morning person. I've talked how I hate that I am a morning person. Even with all the research and positive spins you can put on the benefits of being a morning person I still hate it. Why because I love people. And 90% of all social events happen when I would rather be in bed. Why oh why can't a party or a social or a group of friends get together at 5 am? Sounds absurd right?
Now don't get me wrong I really do love my mornings alone. I love having time to sit and think and ponder the mysteries of the world (right now at 4 am before I hit the gym at 5) but sometimes what I wouldn't give to actually have to set my alarm clock. Yes. You read that right. I wake up every morning right now at exactly 4 am. Well today it was 4:03.
I've concluded the way my body works is I have about 1 hour possibly 2 after the sunsets before I literally turn into a pumpkin. Now that gets really really really embarrassing when the sun goes down at 5 or 6.
It was really frustrating my whole single career because I felt the guilt of having to go out and be social when I'd much rather be cuddled up in my cave asleep. And I guess I just hoped that once I was married the guilt would disappear. Sadly... if anything it is worse.
But the purpose of me writing this today.... is to try and describe what it is like to have S.A.D. because it's frustrating how socially unacceptable or misunderstood it is. Perfect example. Last night I was supposed to attend a meeting. Long story short, I wasn't going to get to the meeting until 7:15.... that sounds like a reasonable time... it's true. But the meeting was an hour away, and the "meeters" were just getting ready to go to dinner. So by the time we really started on the meeting it would be 8:30. Which means the meeting wouldn't end until 10. Which means I wouldn't get home until 11. So I didn't go. That's a lie, I drove 45 minutes to where I thought the meeting was, found out the meeting was another 20 minutes farther way from my house, did the math, and THEN drove the 45 minutes home....
Yeah kinda pathetic.
So what am I doing this morning when I woke up at 4 am? Dreaming of a world where people meet at 4 am...... when I am fresh.... when I am on my A game.... when I am ready to take on the world. But alas....... instead............. I guess I'll just head to the gym.
at 6:04 AM