Thursday, January 17, 2013

I'm Yours.

As he walked out the door it wasn't heart wrenching for me at all.  I had made a very logical decision.  His crazy lifestyle was not conducive to being in a serious relationship or heaven forbid a marriage...

I slept great that night, not a worry in the world.  I was going to continue dating Military Man and hope that could continue, at this point, I think he was even talking about a summer wedding.

What happened next happened slowly.  I don't remember one distinct time or moment that the lightening hit.  Maybe it was when I had to tell the student who set us up that things just didn't work out, or when I got out of the shower and looked at my phone and was disappointed that there wasn't a text, or really it probably was when that Monday night I went out with Military Man and realized the reason I had been so happy the last few weeks had nothing to do with him.

Now this all happened Monday.  As I got into bed and wanted to call Jason I was disgusted with myself.  Was I really this weak?  Was I really going to cave in this easily?  I told myself I needed to pull myself together.

So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Then 10:52 pm happened and I couldn't take it.  Just kidding.  I have more self control than that.  It didn't happen until Thursday.  I had an extremely exhausting day.  I had just given a heart to heart all day (which is physically and emotionally rough)  But once again, it wasn't anything serious or significant.  All I did was pick up the phone and text, "Hi."  And the rest is history.

Ok, ok, I'll tell you the rest.  (In my head as I am writing this story this morning, I feel like I am the old man telling Kevin from the Wonder Years a fairy tale like on Princess Bride.)

Anyway, within a few minutes of my text Jason was calling me asking me to dinner.  When I got into his pickup I told him how much I'd missed him.  He told me how on Monday and Tuesday he was so absolutely miserable he could barely function.  He had been scheming different excuses to see me.  Sunday was going to be the solar eclipse and he was determined to see me then.  Then he said, "But by today (Thursday) I told myself I couldn't keep feeling like this so I was shutting off."  He showed me how in his phone he had set on his calender when it would have been exactly two months and how he was coming up with his big move then.

I smiled.  I couldn't believe it.  Did this guy not see my huge flaws?  Could he not tell that clearly something is wrong with me (since I'm 29 and single, because clearly something must be wrong with anyone that is 29 and still single) Was it possible that he could grow to love me despite it all?

I remember turning to him and just simply saying, "Well you don't need to scheme anymore.  You have nothing to worry about, I'm yours."