Friday, November 16, 2012

Little Secret.

I have a secret.  Not like that lame movie The Secret that Oprah talked about 5 years ago.... a real secret.  The kind that I've been afraid to tell people.  Because probably it will sound ridiculous... you will probably laugh.  But hear me out and I think you'll be convinced too.

So I have a super power.  I am about 75% positive that it is passed down genetically, maybe we'll even call it a genetic mutation.  (No it isn't my hands.... although according to my dermatological brother-in-law that is a genetic mutation as well)  but my super power you ask?  Time moves slower for me than the average human being.  This can be a huge advantage and a crippling disadvantage.

I'll start with it's advantages.  Because of this super power.... I can do whatever the average human does in typically 1/3 less the time.  Some might just call this efficient or maybe even something as simple as a multi-tasker.... but no I think it is more than that.  Whatever the task, great or small, I'll get it done and I'll get it done fast.  Now I wish I could brag that I was a perfectionist and not only will I get the task done fast but I'll also get it done perfect... but no that's not the super power, the super power is soley about speed.  Now if you are looking around your house, your desk, or you classroom and wishing you had this super power.... let me finish and you might think twice.

I think it was 3rd grade that I started to realize how I had this super power.  Every time my teacher gave us an assignment it didn't take me long to realize I was always the first one done.  So I spent the majority of elementary school and most of middle school.... staring at the clock.  It was really bad when Jen and I were in the same life science class in 7th grade.  My super power and her brains was a recipe for disaster.  We were in a constant state of mischief.  Poor Mr. Benson tried everything he could to shut us up.  First he tried putting us on the same row on opposite ends... until we realized if we both leaned back we could still communicate.  Then he tried putting me right next to his desk and poor Jen next to the mice in the back of the room.... finally he gave up and just put us next to each other.  We passed time by writing the word whatever over ten thousand, quoting Louis and Clark and the Adventures of Superman, and gossiping about who's going out with who.

So you must be wondering what's the down side?  What is the kyptonite that destroys me and my power.... one simple little word.  Boredom.  Plan and simple, boredom.  You know when you hear people say, "Oh I just lost track of time!"  or "There's just not enough hours in the day!"  Yep, you'll never hear me say that.

Now I wish I could put my super power to use saving America... maybe even get some cute tights and a mask... but I can't figure out how.  So if you have any ideas....

All joking aside do you think it's possible?  Do you think it's possible that time is different for everyone?  That my second is way slower than yours?  Or since time is clearly relative that our brains digest and interrupt time different?  Or am I just trying to come up with some socially acceptable excuse for why it's torture for me to sit through an entire movie in the theater?  Because let's be honest, that's weird.


Lynette said...

I believe your power was inherited.

Lynette said...

...well..part of it..