Welcome back to the blogging world The UnMighty. It's been 4 years since I've been lucky enough to hang out with you. (For the record The UnMighty goes down in the record books as hands down the funniest guy I've ever known, sorry Lars.) You asked what the Hell I've been up to.... so I figured I'd give you an update on my life.... because reading my blog, well it just depends on the day what you'll get... I guess that's why I call it random. Since sometimes it can be a bit cryptic and I tend to delete major pieces, here is the Reader's Digest version of my life over the past 4 years.
Started teaching Junior High
- I left a high school and a cause that I believed in to make $20,000 more a year. Yep, I believe we call that a sell out. Best Friend Shane
- I had a extremely attractive, single, good guy best friend for a couple of years. We spent every waking moment of free time together, traveled together, spent time with family together.... but we never even considered dating. I'm pretty sure it ruined a couple of possible relationships I thought I wanted... and everyone thought I was in love with him but I honestly wasn't. That abruptly ended when he got a girlfriend/fiance/wife. Graduated from BYU
-Yeah I did that whole grad school thing. I hoped it would help me get out, meet new people, have a life besides jr high.... but really it was a rough 2 years where I realized I hate education and oh yeah it was me and 7 married men. Chicago
- One summer I went and lived in on the 51 floor of a downtown Chicago apartment with my parents. Who knew Chicago was so cool... Major Crisis
- With my friends getting married, finishing grad school, and realizing my life was exactly the same as when I was 17 (I get up, go to school, come home and try and find something to do until the next time I have to go to school) I kinda freaked out a little. Tried my hardest to leave teaching
- Yeah this probably led to the crisis a lot. Can you believe Glen Beck didn't give me a job? Decided to pull an Anne Frank be happy even if my life was completely miserable.
- So I traveled a lot. Southern California at least 2 times a month, Seattle and BC Canada, Texas, Miami, southern Utah, Idaho, Navuoo, Vegas, and of course Europe. "Adopted" a 15 year old
- Yeah I don't talk about it much because it's kinda weird. But she is one of the best things that has happened to me. Dated a lot
- Not much to say here. (I mean of course there were loads of stories, drama, and laughs... and don't worry it isn't going to waste... the 55 year old men in my teacher's lounge can't wait to hear the most recent update everyday at lunch) Weird relationship with my cousin
- Due to a divorce and such my cousin and I became best friends... people that didn't know he was my cousin thought we were dating. I mean sure it probably looked a little weird when we traveled to Hawaii together... but heck it's been a blast. Moved to LA
- Needing to get out of a bad living situation, I stuffed all my belongings in the office of my classroom and took off to LA for the summer. I fell in love with Disneyland..... well obsession might be a more correct word.
But I guess the biggest thing that has happened over the last four years is I fell in love with the Bad Boy. Totally cliche right? And you are probably wondering why if you look through all my posts he's not even mentioned. Well that's because you see, when you are the good girl that falls in love with the bad boy it is a total roller coaster. So when we are high I write mushy gushy posts about how wonderful he is and then when we hit a rough patch I go back and delete them all. (Do I sound a bit like a 15 year old girl? Give me a break, I'm surrounded by them all day) But the good news is our long distance relationship is over, he's given up a lot of the things that make him a Bad Boy including jumping of Buildings, Antennas, Spans, and Earth. (Yes he is one of those crazies that gets a thrill off of jumping off 1,000 ft things and hopes his parachute opens)......... so hopefully this roller coaster will even out a little. I mean we both know it will never end because that's just not my nature. My little brother said it best the other day, "Kristin, you can squeeze drama out of an orange peel." Probably all too true. But....
Bottom Line Ben: my life is wonderful. I am doing great. I have never been this happy.
Today as I was sitting with Chase and Chad.... eating delicious homegrown tomatoes, grapes, and peppers we were doing what we do best; talking, analyzing, and forming all sorts of brilliant conclusions. I wish I remember exactly what we were talking about but in the middle no where Chase practically screams out... in pure insanity, "What the Hell is LIFE?" Chad and I just sat and shook our heads. Who knows.
Chase went on to rant about the past, present, and future and how although we say we are living in the present, we can't really define the present so how can we define what we are living in. I told him all that really matters is our emotions. Emotions define the present. A wise friend said yesterday that emotions are what life is all about. The more I think about that the more I am convinced of its truth.
But right now. I feel a void of emotion. I guess we can just call that numb. So what the Hell is life? I have no idea.
Last night as Sadie crawled into the hideabed in the Marriott Hotel in Anaheim she turned to her mom and said, "But Mom, where is Kristin going to sleep?" You see the past 4 times that Sadie has gone to Disneyland I had slept in that bed. So normally when she fell asleep on the floor in the hotel she would wake up to find me asleep in that hideabed.
This morning I woke up in an almost panic. Who is going to ride the tea cups with Sadie????
If you are starting to question if my life solely revolves around Disneyland... I can understand your concern. I promise I have A LOT more going on in my life than Disneyland.... But right now it's the safest, easiest topic. So while Sadie and company are putting on their shoes, tying their sweatshirt around their waists, and loading the car while discussing whether they will get their fast pass to Splash Mountain or the Haunted Mansion first... I'll reminisce about my last 4 trips with Sadie to the happiest place on earth.
I couldn't stop. I knew the doctor was waiting for me. I knew I needed to change into my hospital gown. I knew the sooner I left the changing area the sooner I would know. But I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop picking at the skin on my face. I don't know if it was the worrying, the stress or just nature that caused my skin to break out today but I couldn't stop. Every inch I explored was filled with something I could pick at, something I could squeeze... prod at. So there I stood half undressed in the changing area of the hospital awaiting my fate... but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get myself to focus or concentrate on anything besides the blemishes on my face.
Girls dream about what it will be like the first time they get an ultra sound. Dream of hearing a baby's heart beat, seeing a hand or a foot to know that it's real. To know that the weird feeling they have felt for weeks or maybe even months isn't just crazy thoughts but it's real. Actually creating a baby. Often I've dreamed of the joy that would surround me and my first ultra sound... sitting there with my proud husband holding my hand as the doctor squirts that cold jelly on my belly and finds something that we created together.
How different today was. Today I went to the hospital with hope that the lump the doctor thought might be suspicious about 5 days ago would be nothing. The hope that the lump, that I had been feeling for almost two months but only decided to accept it really existed 8 days ago, was benign.
It's a scary thing to think you might have the C word. I'm young. I'm healthy. There is very little history in my family. But then again... so are so many others. Two of the people I love most in my life that are my age have the C word.
But it's kinda crazy how drastically different your perspective is. Don't get me wrong, I was almost positive I didn't have cancer. But still, what if. It's crazy how life works like that. I just focused on my doctor's lips as she examined the ultra sound.... waiting to see her reaction. What a relief it was when she concluded and then the radiologist confirmed it was benign.
Now this is the point in the blogpost where most people would thank God for being so blessed to not have cancer. But if you remember back to here, I don't think it works like that. I don't think because I paid my tithing or did enough good deeds God prevented me from having cancer. I think cancer just wasn't a trial I need right now. But I do thank God. I thank God for the knowledge I have that if I did get cancer He would be there to give me the strength I needed. I thank God that I know what will happen after this life. But most of all I thank my Heavenly Father for the wonderful experiences and people He's put in my life to help me enjoy the journey.
Like I've said before... most of the time especially on Facebook or my blog I've decided to take the stance "Don't waste your time on politics just chase skirts instead." But every once in a while I can not resist. Last night was awesome. Listening to Mitt was like music to my ears. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are things I don't agree with, things that I wish were a bit different, but for the most part I could not have been more thrilled with how the debate went. As I sat in my car and listened I just cried. I've given up on politic for some time now. I thought there was no hope. I thought that we were destined to another 4 years of progressive liberal legislation. But last night I saw it. I saw truth. And I just hope and pray America can still recognize truth.
I could go on and on about the things that Mitt said that I love.... but nothing got to me as much as the beginning of his conclusions:
"I'm concerned about America. I am concerned about the direction American has been taking over the last four years. I know this is bigger than the election of the two of us as individuals. It's bigger than our respective parties. It's an election about the course of America. What kind of American do you want for yourself and for your children? And there really are two very different paths. We'll talk about the two paths but they lead in very different directions. It's not just about looking to our words that you have to take in the evidence and where they go."
Let's just pray that America can look beyond personal benefit and vote for what is right.