Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A Bit of Honesty.

I was told that my pictures are not enough... that I need to still be writing.

So here is a blogpost  that I have been thinking a lot about.

I hope I never forget the exact moment.  It was the first night of the European adventure.  Danielle and I were walking up to the light show at the Magic Fountain of Montjuic at the end of a beautiful day.  The sun's fading light elluminated the capital as we walked through the fountains to get to the light show.  It was absolutely magical.

The golden hue cast over the entire city warmed my soul.  I remember just smiling, almost pinching myself.  HOW IN THE WORLD DID I GET TO THIS PLACE?  Why am I so lucky to be here?  To experience this?  All I could do was giggle.  I wanted to do heel clicks up and down the sidewalk through the darling little fountains and watch my shadow in the setting sunlight.  Danielle was caught up in the moment just as much as I was.  It was amazing.  Glorious.  The excitement of the trip I think finally hit both of us at the same time as we overlooked the beauty of the foreign city and realized it was real.  This was really happening!

And then Danielle said it.  She said the statement that I have been thinking about ever since.   I really hope I never forget it. "Kristin, think about how lucky you are!  Aren't you so glad you aren't married!  You get to expeirence..... (as she throws out her arms and twirls) THIS!"

*Caution.  This is going to turn into a grass is always greener speech.

I thought about what Danielle had just said.  I thought of all my friends and family back home that are going to read this blog and look at all the pictures of this amazing trip and be so jealous.  Although a part of them might not say it outloud deep down some might say, "man i wish i hadn't gotten married so soon... or i wish I wouldn't have had a kid.... I wish I could do what Kristin gets to do."

So I guess this blog post is for anyone out there that might have thought that.  Or maybe for myself someday down the road when I am getting no sleep because my sick baby won't stop crying or I can't fit into my pants because the baby weight won't come of.  Or I can't even afford to eat a caprese salad in my own town let alone travel half way around the world to sample them....

My trip was amazing.  It was wonderful.  A once in a life time experience that I will never forget.  But when Danielle said that.... I paused, really thought about it.... ya know, to make sure I really meant it and I said, "No Danielle I would give it all away.  All my trips, all my freedom, my total carefree life... just to hear a little baby cry out for me.  To be in a healthy happy relationship where I know we are going to go hand in hand to face the cold cruel world together and make the best of it.  Because that it what life is all about.  It's not about trying to get from here to death as painlessly as possible.  It's about creating.  It's about becoming.  And all the trips to Europe in the world couldn't make up for that."

(Okay I might not have said it that elequantly that night as the sun was silently slipping behind the city scape of this foreign land.... but that's how I'd like to remember it)

I know I know.  I can already hear you.  "Kristin, you can come babysit my kids any time you want!  You can wash the dishes, do the laundry, and pick up the endless supply of toys.  You can fight with my husband when we have no money or he wants to go play with his friends rather than spend time with our family."  But when Joanie took me in to watch her little girl sleeping in her crib the other night it hit me again.  The fact is, this is what life is about.  And sure my trip was really awesome. (And I'll post the last two ports when I get back to Utah) but as I looked at my gay Uncle's 50th birthday video with him alone in front of all of the world's most spectacular places it made me so sad.  All the travels, all the freedom in the world can not make up for what a family can produce.

Just a bit of honesty.

(but since I can't really do anything about it at the moment, 
you better believe I am going to live up my life to the fullest. 
 I'm off to a perfectly sunny 85 degree day at the beach with 2 of my favorite people! 


Chelsea said...

You're right, the grass IS always greener. However, whether it is prior to marriage, or prior to having kids after marriage, or after kids and marriage when the kids are finally grown up and finances are stable, everyone will hopefully have the opportunity to live out their dreams. I do get a little jealous of friends who decided not to have kids right away in their marriage (unlike us) and sorta wish we had waited just 3-4 more years to get some good trips and experiences. But then I just tell myself that when they are doing the full-time baby mode, we'll be leaving our older kids at home and seeing the world. :) The trick is not to always see someone else's greener grass, but to see the silver lining in your own circumstances, whatever they may be. :)

theriddle said...

Love this. Love you.



Aaron said...

(This is Camile)
Loved the honesty. And I love that you're enjoying life to the fullest and letting me enjoy vicariously! :)