Friday, February 3, 2012

5:22 am

My favorite time of day is probably 5:22 am.  Crazy time I know.  It's because every morning at 5 am my alarm clock goes off.  I get up and go get a huge glass of water.... I hate how thirsty I wake up every morning.  But then I climb back into bed and snuggle up with my huge comforter and my favorite teddy bear and around 5:22 am I just sit and think.  For some reason around 5:22 am the world just seems to make sense.  Everything is in order.  Most of the time I don't have a care in the world.  It's probably because of what Mrs. Stacey told Anne, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."  At 5:22 am.... everything is fresh.

This morning I thought I'd share what I have been thinking about.  I mean, it kinda ruins my moment... trying to capture my thoughts at 5:22 am and put them into words... it's like trying to capture a rainbow.  But I think I want to try.

Do you ever have those moments when you just smile up at God and say "Thank you." ?  You know the moments... when you see the path you could have been on.... the path that you might have chosen for yourself, but thankfully God stepped in and redirected you.  It's kinda a theme I have been thinking a lot about lately.  Last night on Grey's (I know... it's almost blasphemy to talk about God and Grey's in the same paragraph...) it was a whole episode dedicated to showing what the characters of Grey's lives' would have looked like if they had made different decisions.  For the record I thought the episode was kinda lame, but I loved the idea.  The idea of how drastically different our lives would be if we changed a few key decisions.  I find myself wondering that sometimes.  What if I hadn't gone to BYU-Idaho to do my undergrad... what if I hadn't gone into teaching... but of course most of the time the decisions I wonder about most deal with guys... because we all know that who you marry probably most drastically changes your course of life more than any other decision.  Over Christmas break I ran into an old boyfriend at the airport.  It was almost exactly like my favorite Tim McGraw song, "I didn't ask, she didn't say".  He has created an awesome life for himself.... off at med school... with a cute little wife... it made me kinda sad.

But that's not what I want to think about this morning at 5:22 am.  I want to think about last night when I looked up and smiled at God and said thank you.  Last night I talked to an old boyfriend... a guy that I really loved. A guy that I easily could have married.   I haven't talked to or heard from him in almost 4 years.  Last night was his last night in rehab.  Of course he bragged about how cool rehab was... how Lindsey Lohan, Ben Stein, Sharon Stone, and even Demi Moore are all there.  Of course he told me how much he's changed.  How much rehab has helped him.  He told me about how awesome his wife is for sticking with him through this 10 year addiction to drugs and alcohol.  He told me about his son.  I told him that was great.  I told him I was happy for him....

But most important I smiled and thanked God that He had different plans for me.

And that is what I am thinking about as I lay in my cozy bed at 5:22 am.  But sadly, like everything else that's wonderful in life... it fades all too quickly.  And now it's 5:57 am and me and the gym have a date.


Camile said...

I think about this sort of thing all the time. Even the smallest decision could make a HUGE effect on your life. Sometimes I play the What if...? game with myself.

Russ said...

That guy DOES have a nice wife. All my married sisters assure me that they would have problems with their husbands speaking on the phone with their ex-girlfriends.