Monday, June 30, 2008

My Proposal


Lately I have been thinking a lot about this ritual our culture plays called dating. Now I say our culture for no other reason than I am not positive that other cultures participate in the same ridiculous dance as we do in finding a mate. More than likely they have more common sense. The more I think about this experience the more I see how bizarre it is. For those of you that have been out of this god-forsaken scene for some time let me remind you. Now the dance begins at some type of gathering whether it be a social event, a classroom, or a stroll down an aisle of Wal-Mart… it starts with a glance, a smile, an introduction. There may be laughing or even touching but the key goal of anyone interested in participating is to be mysterious. The better one is at making the opposite sex confused about the intentions the better the odds are of continuing on in the dance. Once there is some curiosity the faster one runs the hard they chase. An occasional slow down or fall is essential to keep the interest going but the thing that will end the dance faster than anything else is to stop. The risk in stopping is high and chances are it will cause the dance to end. And this is how the dance goes…. Over and over and over. Ignoring human nature, the more I describe it, the more absurd it sounds, and the more you see how accurately I have portrayed it.

I would like to propose we find a mate the same way we would find a job. The person interested in a job goes around and hands in resumes. Which in turn gives the recipient of the resumes the obligation of contacting that individual. This contact can be quite brief. If the recipient is interested in the resume he/she can ask to interview the potential employee. If the recipient is not interested a simple, we are not hiring right now or we are not interested would be suffice. The details of the interview are not particular, it could take place at a public location and may include food, but it is not necessary. Following the interview the potential employee can expect to hear back from the potential employer in 5-6 business days. The responses the potential employee can expect to hear are: A. We would like to hire you. B. We could possibly be interested in hiring you. Would you come back for a second interview? Or C. I’m sorry you are just not what we are looking for. It could really be quite simple. There would be no nasty break-ups, no heart-wrenching drama, and no devastating crushes. But then again it would ruin most novels, destroy most sit-coms, (Jim and Pam forever!) and be the end to a lot of emo and country music. Maybe the world wouldn’t be better off…

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The unappreciated talent…


Now as I mention talents the first thought that runs through my mind is the annual singles ward talent show. Every ward has it and I swear at least two or three people practice all year for the event. Some of the talents that one might see at such an event are but certainly are not limited to: pianos, guitars, tap-dancing, monologs, juggling, country fiddles, handstands, karate kicks, drawings, squirting milk through the eyes, drawing, underwater-basket weaving, ballet, cheerleading, interpreting a popular song in sign language, N’Sync impersonation, girl rage music on the guitar, and of course no talent show would be complete without what I respectfully call the Midget Workout.

Every time I leave such an event I am always blown away at the amount of talent that exists in every ward. Along with the amazement always comes a twinge of jealousy. I am quite familiar with the parable of the talents. But my problem lies in the fact that while one person has so many talents from Kermit the Frog impersonations to skillfully dancing to the Macarena I am having a difficult time coming up with just one talent I possess. Now from the parable we know that everyone is given at least one talent so I have search high and low and finally discovered my talent. No longer am I going to hide it under my bushel.

What does an art gallery, a rodeo, a spelling bee, and a stand-up comedian all have in common? Other than hard work there is only one thing…. An audience. A gallery without viewers would just be a studio, a rodeo without a screaming crowd would just be inhumane treatment of animals, a bee without spectators would just be a nerd convention, and a comedian without laughs would just be your average Sacrament Meeting joke that’s gone bad. All these years I thought my skills were lacking when in reality I am the most important part of each talent! Call me what you want from the critic, the groupie, or even the congregationalist… the name doesn’t matter. I am satisfied knowing that I too have a talent.

Monday, June 2, 2008

The Lunch Group

According to C.S. Lewis one of the strongest instincts of human nature is the desire to be included. People will do all sorts of stupid things to fit in. Whether it’s doing drugs with the stoners or swearing off drugs with the straight-edgers, people adapt and conform to belong. Looking at my life I have to smile when I think about the ridiculous things I have done to try and satisfy this desire. I memorized every line of Louis and Clark and the Adventures of Superman, wrote the word whatever 8,888 times, cut my hair short and dyed it black, wore a shirt with “Proud to Farm” plastered across the front, and boycotted Wal-Mart because it was a monopoly that was going to take over the world… just to name a few.

All of these absurd things were done in hopes of being included in a group that I dreamed would appreciate me, understand me, and love me for me. No matter how hard I tried I never could find a group that would accept me for the eccentric, spastic, passionate, opinionate self that I am. Although it is probably not apparent by looking at my yearbooks or facebook page, I have always felt like an outcast, a misfit, and a loner. That was until I came to Paradigm.

Now of all the places to find this group an office building warehouse was definitely the least suspicious. Especially when it started in the basement of some home school classroom. Who would have guessed that this group of people that are all possibly as crazy as me could possibly ever become my best friends? Whether it’s the prejudice white guy in the Peruvian body, the band geek with a tuba spray-painted on top of his head, the snob who refused to use the microwave, the Utah artist who claimed to have never heard of Del Parson, the funny guy who actually dared to bring up Kevin Costner’s bare buttocks in faculty meeting, the walking trivial encyclopedia, or the fanatical grammar Nazi that can’t spell; no one would have ever suspected what would come from this group. Although this is definitely a rough time of life for a single 25-year-old Mormon girl, for the past two years I have had a place to go where I knew I was accepted, appreciated, and even loved. And to those dear friends I just want to say, Thank You.